Sports Nicknames, Love’m or Hate’m

I’ve always been a fan of nicknames, like Lefty or Sad Girl or Frosty. But when it comes to sports, nicknames can make, or even break you. Before we run through a few of them, let me remind everyone that you CANNOT pick your nickname. It must be given to you by your teammates, folks, or childhood friends. So Shawn the Matrix Marion, as far as I’m concerned, you’re out.

We all know the favorites in Magic Johnson, Air Jordan, Dr. J, Mr. Clutch Jerry West, Big Game James, Thunder Dan Majerle, Karl the Mailman Malone, Gary the Glove Payton. You also gotta give props to Fred the Mayor Hoyberg, George the Iceman Gervin (Chuck Lidell too), Daniel Booby Gibson (although I liked it more for Booby Miles from Friday Night Lights.) The list goes on with the Answer Allen Iverson, Paul Pierce the Truth, the Big Ticket KG, David Big Papi Ortiz, Clyde the Glide Drexler, Hakeem the Dream Olajuwan, Fred the Crimedog McGriff, the Great One Wayne Gretzky, and Sid the Kid Crosby.

Some players also have cool abbreviations that turn into nicknames, like Andrei Kirilenko’s AK-47, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila’s KGB, Alex A-Rod Rodriguez, Tracy T-Mac McGrady, Lo-Jac Lawrence Jackson and L.T. (can’t leave out Lawrence Taylor).

Then you get those that aren’t just nicknames, they’re more nicksentences, for example: Round Mound of Rebound Charles Barkley and Dominique the Human Highlight Reel Wilkins.

I’m not gonna disrespect the And 1 ballers, but they all have nicknames, maybe some a little overboard than others. I’ll point out some of the cool ones in Hot Sauce, Helicopter, Professor, Spyda, Escalade, 50, A.O., Main Event, and 1/2 man 1/2 amazing.

I’m not a fan of Lebron King James, Eddie instant offense House, Shaq’s Big Aristotle/Diesel, Robert the Chief Parrish, Bryant Big Country Reeves, and Cal Ironman Ripken (because I think he hurt his team for trying to keep up that stupid record).

But if I had to pick out my own, I’d probably go with the Rifleman. I know, it belongs to a sharpshooter by the name of Chuck Person AND I can’t shoot a 3-pointer to save my life. I also wanna give much love to my my ALLSTARS in Floyd Pretty Boy Merriweather, Eric Sleepy Floyd, Deion Prime Time Sanders, Touchdown Tommy Vardell, and Michael the Playmaker Irvin.

Another Flyer Suspended

Philadelphia Flyers forward Jesse Boulerice was suspended 25 games by the NHL on Friday for cross checking Vancouver’s Ryan Kesler across the face with his stick, making the suspension the longest in league history. It was a vicious and despicable act and frankly, the NHL has no room for this kind of behavior. The suspension was handed down by NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell after a hearing in Toronto. I am all for physical play, but don’t cheap shot someone when they are not looking and risk a career ending injury. That’s cowardly. Luckily for Kesler, he was OK and back on the ice. Bravo to Campbell and his decision and as far as Boulerice, he will forfeit $63,502.75 in salary and will be eligible to return December 13 against Montreal.

Head Thrasher Thrashed!

Not a good time to be an Atlanta sports fan. My condolences to my colleague Romik, but the Hawks stink, the Braves didn’t make the playoffs for the first time in I think 50 years, the Falcons are bad, getting worse… and now this. The NHL’s Thrashers are off to their worst start in franchise history, losing their first six games of the year, while being the only team in the league without a win. Sounds to me like that’s good enough to can their head coach. Bob Hartley, in his 5th season with Atlanta, was let go and general manager Don Waddell had this to say, “we felt after six games the direction we were going was not the direction we wanted to go.” Really? You mean starting the year 0-6 is not part of a master plan on your team winning Lord Stanley’s Cup? Well coach, at least you can move on to a real sports city…

Blake Has Leukemia

Toronto Maple Leaf’s forward Jason Blake has announced he has a rare form of leukemia. During practice today, the 34 year old made an announcement to his teammates that although rare, the condition is highly treatable. He has already begun taking medication that has proven to be very effective in controlling this illness in the past. Blake, who started his career with the L.A. Kings, has continually increased his productivity throughout the years and has been considered a spark plug wherever he has played. He will continue to play fully with the team and will be monitored closely by his team’s physicians. Our thoughts and prayers are with you buddy!

Worst Goalie of All-Time in Jail!

You probably haven’t heard his name before, but Atilli Ambrus is statistically the worst goalie to ever play professional hockey… and he is spending is 40th birthday in jail! In late 1988, while escaping the cruel Communist regime in Romania, Ambrus talked his way into a tryout with UTE, a hockey team coming off of seven straight national championships. But his time between the pipes for the UTE hockey club can be best described as adventurous, where Ambrus was the backup goalkeeper, served as janitor and also drove the Zamboni!

His claim to fame is that he gave up 23 goals in one game and 88 during a five game stretch! Where was the friekin’ coach during all of this? Apparently, the club couldn’t afford better players as the first wave of capitalism swept across Eastern Europe. Deep in debt, Ambrus skipped practice for three straight days, drank whiskey, then bought a wig and toy gun at a flea market. He launched his new career in bank robbing and the rest is history. Things went so swimmingly, though, that over the next 12 months, the gentlemanly bandit pulled another 10 heists. How can you blame him? I guess if we were that bad in anything, we would resort to stealing and drinking as well… here’s to you buddy! Dominik Hasik’s got nothing on you…!

Rangers to Sue NHL!

Apparently, the New York Islanders are not the only people the Rangers are fighting with nowadays. Attorneys for both the NHL and the Rangers are scheduled to meet Friday afternoon concerning control over on-line operations. The Rangers are suing the league for full control of its website, being the only team out of the 30 in the league who have not yet relinquished their controls over to Bettman and the boys. Shouldn’t Madison Square Garden worry about a losing sexual harassment case involving a former Knick employee? Does anyone really care about their website? I guess if can’t win one fight… go pick another.

Sharpen Your Bloody Skates!!!

The NHL kicks off Saturday with the Anaheim Ducks against the LA Kings in London. That’s right folks, London. It seems like yesterday when the Ducks were celebrating their first Stanley Cup. But its a new season, accompanied with new dreams. Unfortunately for the Kings, they’re stuck paying second fiddle against a Duck team that’s mightier than them. While separated by about 30 minutes, these teams couldn’t be further apart. The reigning champion Ducks are stacked with talented veterans such as Pronger and Niedermeyer. They fill in the remaining talent with Dustin Penner, Samuel Pahlsson and goalie Ilya Bryzgalov. The additions of Todd Bertuzzi and former Red Winger Mathieu Schnieder make them instant favorites to repeat this year.

The Kings on the other hand, sooo sad. What was once a team filled with sexy name (Gretzky, Robitalle, Sandstrom, Deadmarsh) is nothing but a patchwork of has beens (no offense Rob Blake) and never have beens. They do have promising youngsters like Alexander Frolov and my favorite King, Anze Kopitar. But don’t expect these guys to make much noise and don’t be fooled if they come out of the gate running. This team has teased us before and frankly, let’s just say there’s more juice in Sugar Shane’ ass then in the LA Kings. Looks like another LA team playing second fiddle to its cross-town rival (Angels-Dodgers; Clippers-Lakers) OK maybe not the latter but wait until Kobe opts out after next year. That’s a different blog for a different day. Did I hear someone say “Los Angeles Ducks of Anaheim?”

Do-Si-Do Anyone?

The NHL season hasn’t officially started yet, but don’t tell that to the Rangers and the Islanders. In a game that featured 10 fighting majors and 6 game misconducts, the Rangers, no doubt retaliating to a slashing incident from last year by the Islanders Chris Simon, came out swinging! The game featured brawl after brawl and at one point had the goalies going at it. Now that’s a hockey game! But let me get this straight… Chris Simon gets suspended for 25 games, 5 of which continue into this season, but he gets to play in the pre-season? I knew I loved commissioner Gary Bettman. Oh, and by the way, the Islanders beat the Rangers in overtime, 5-4.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nisE6AGr03I

Go Away Roenick!!!

On 9/4/07, Jeremy Roenick announced that he will be returning to the NHL, this time with the San Jose Sharks. How many times have we seen this: former superstars that hang around the league too long instead of retiring at the top of their game. It happens to the best of us; Brett Favre, Cal Ripken, even his airness Michael Jordan. This will be Roenick’s 7th team in 19 seasons. In ’05, with the Kings, Roenick spent the season plagued with injuries, scoring a career low 9 goals in 58 games. He spent more time playing hold-em at the Commerce Casino then on the ice. Roenick then bounced to Gretzky’s Coyotes, where he topped his previous year’s performance with a whopping 11 goals over 70 games. Now he’ll try to “contribute” to the Sharks, intangibles I presume. No disrespect, but we don’t want to remember you as that guy who stayed around too long. We want your name to conjure up memories of when you scored 50-60 goals a season, when you were the man in Chicago, when you made Gretzky’s head bleed in Swingers. We will always remember you as one of the greats. Just retire so we can do so.