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Reports have recently surfaced that Floyd Landis has been suspended for 2 years for the use of performance enhancing drugs. While the media wants the fans to believe this, my sources have revealed otherwise. Insiders have revealed the truth behind the suspension: the ‘stache. That’s right folks, the porn ‘stache. The persecution of the porn ‘stache and every ‘stache that resembles it is underway. The Tour has joined forces with the NBA, NFL, NHL and MLB in a nationwide genocide of the porn ‘stache in an attempt to clean up the game. Adam Morrison on of the Bobcats and Jeff Kent of the Dodgers top this list. A free haircut has been offered as reward for the capture and conviction of these athletes/adult film stars. If you or anyone you know has any knowledge as to where these sleazy, paltry persons hang out, the association has requested that you contact 1-800-no-stash. Don’t be fooled by their smooth looks and charm, these men are not who we thought they were. Officials are standing by for deployment to any leads as to teh whereabouts of these sinful “athletes.”