Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for the Los Angeles Clippers… On Thursday, 8/30, the Clippers signed the one and only self-proclaimed Kobe stopper, (drumroll please) Ruben Patterson. Why or Why??? First Shaun Livingston goes down (which some might consider a plus), and then Elton Brand for the most part of next season. What does Elgin Baylor do to remedy the situation; “fill” the position with a talentless, registered sex offender who can’t shoot or dribble but has limited Kobe to an avg. of 30 points during each of their head to head contests. After careful review, I figured out the logic to this madness; Baylor’s trying to outdo Kupchak and earn the title of worse GM in the league.
The Clippers are headed down a familiar path and someone needs to flip a bitch quick. They’ve already made a long term committment to Kaman, whose 10.1 ppg and 7.8 rpg are worth every penny of that 5-year, $52.5 million contract extension. The loss of Livingston, his 6’7, 182 lbs overrated frame and an aging Cassell leaves them without a true PG. How the “Rube” fits into the puzzle is mindboggling to me. Add that to the Clippers’ other additions as of late (i.e. Aaron Williams, Tim Thomas, Cat Mobley), I’m reminded of the Clippers of old. The good old days, worse records in the league and disappointing #1 draft picks. AHHHHHHH, I miss you Lorenzen Wright, Mo’ Taylor, Olowokandi, and Darius Miles. I feel a sense of nostalgia and find myself holding back tears, I mean, wait a minute, there’s something in my eye, I gotta go..
16% Hard to tell
By now you all have read my distinguished colleagues post about David Beckham, but what he doesn’t understand is how Beckham transcends the MLS, soccer, and even sports in general. Everyone keeps talking about the 250 million dollar investment the Galaxy have made. First of all the numbers are grossly exagerrated, they are no where near 250 million. Second of all, if the numbers are true, believe me, the Galaxy have recouped their investment and then some. Let’s be honest, Beckham wasn’t brought to Los Angeles to bring a MLS championship. His best days are clearly behind him. That being said, he is still head and shoulders above anyone else in the MLS. His coming to the Galaxy wasn’t a sports decision. It was a cultural decision. Admit it, before Beckham, half the population didn’t know we had a professional soccer league in the states. The MLS was on par with the WNBA. Since Beckham’s arrival, there hasn’t been a day that we haven’t mentioned soccer, and it’s not even a World Cup year. Everyone has an image of soccer players being primadonnas, but what we fail to see is the grind that these player’s bodies go through. So let Becks have his rest, he’s earned it just by the added revenue that he has brought to this dying league. Also who doesn’t want to see Beckham rockin’ his Dolce & Gabbana suits on the sideline. Is it too late to cast my vote for man-crush of the week on Becks?
Another game, another injury for Becks. Wednesday night, Beckham suffered a knee injury after a collision in the Superliga final. “Maybe it is a sign to give it a rest, get it right and not come back until it is right,” said Beckham after the game. Ummmmm… No, I don’t think so. I’m sure the Galaxy is ALL ABOUT giving their $250 million dollar poster boy a “rest until it is right.” Am I the only person who thinks that this guy is overrated? Did the Galaxy really think that this guy was going to turn a crappy team around and take them somewhere? Look across town and see what Kobe has done with the Lakers. Not to say that Becks is anywhere as dominant as Kobe is in his sport, but you can’t surround a star athlete around minor league players and hope that he will turn the franchise around. I don’t want to hear anything about Landon Odom either. Sure the Galaxy sold tickets and Jerseys but with another injury, the only Spice girl visiting the Home Depot Center will be Scary looking for her baby daddy Axel Foley.
And the award goes to… Thanks for dressing up for the occasion L.T. You been a fantasy owner’s wet dream for the past 3 years. Each year, millions dream of having the #1 pick of the draft, only to have to setle for the LJs, Steven Jacksons and Peytons of the world. The only team to pass up on you were the Falcons and can you really blame them. With a rich history of the “dirty bird,” T.J. Duckett, and Vick type P.R. you wouldn’t make it through preseason, if you played that is. 31 tds in a year, hah! Try a QB rating of 75.7 on for size. Congrats on the inaugural “MANCRUSH of the Week” award. Enjoy it, for you too will be replaced next week (unless you tear it up against the Bears in week 1 like we expect you to do.)
Finally, a moment of silence for the changing of the guard. From the old to the new, the B.L.T. to the REAL L.T. We salute you Lawrence Taylor and that awesome earring for setting the precedence for those initials. Rest assure that your legacy will live on [insert bagpipes here]. You’re still our favorite L.T. from New York.
It seems that Tiger Woods has a pulse off the golf course. Sort of. Tiger weighed in on America’s favorite topic of late, Michael Vick and dogfighting. When asked what Woods thought of Vick and his apology, Tiger, bland as always said “that if you made that big of a mistake, you got to come out and be contrite.” Okay, so Vick needs to be sincere, we got that part. I’m just shocked that Tiger even agreed to answer such a hot topic question. He didn’t really give an opinion either way on the matter, and admitted that he wasn’t “very good at this.” What happens to an athlete when they transcend the sport they play in? Some of the biggest sports stars of our generation, are also the most boring, vanilla characters off the field. Derek Jeter, Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, the list is endless. I’ve seen soccer moms with more fire than some of these athletes. Are all these superstars that afraid of losing endorsements that they will stay away from anything that is remotely controversial. Will we stop cheering for Tom Brady if we find out he is a Republican? No one loved Micheal Jordan any less when they found out his shoes were made by 8 year old children in third world countries. I would like my athletes to have a mind of their own and put an intelligent, coherent sentence together once in a while. I’m not asking them to split the atom, but weigh in on topics that are relevent. Charles Barkley was wrong, and athletes are role models for children, and our children need to be able to do more than put a ball through a hoop. I’m not talking about making it rain in a strip club, but show that you have some balls and speak your mind. We won’t love you any less as long as you keep on putting up big numbers. When that stops, then you have a real problem. So congrats to Tiger for attempting to show he has a pulse, but I still don’t know Tiger, are you pro or anti dogfighting?
Fasten your seatbelts folks, NCAA Football is back and in full effect. On second thought, unfasten your seatbelts, we’re low on gas. It seems that most ranked teams are opening their seasons with not so challenging games: #1USC v. Idowhoo?; #2LSU v. some state; #5Michigan v. (brace yourself) two time reigning Div I-AA Appalachian State Mountaneers; #11Ohio State v. Chilly Willy; the list goes on and on. It’s sad to see that with the hype of the return of college gameday and Corso and Herbstreet and Sweet Lou Holtz (does anyone else think he’s crazier then the glue), I’m hard-pressed to find a significant, must-see matchup. Fortunately, there are two schools that decided to stray from the norm and bet all their chips on one roll. Drumroll please…
#15 Cal hosting #24Volunteers should be a doozy; that’s right, a doozy. Cal enters this year like every other year, OVERRATED. But I don’t want to judge a book by its cover. I’ll reserve my opinion for later on, when they accept their invite to the fruit loops bowl. Until then, enjoy the season, I promise the games will get better. GO VOLS!!! (did I say that out loud?)
3.2 Rebounds/2.3 points per game, that’s what the man they called OAKTREE averaged in his last 3 years as a pro. Looks more like a willow to me. At 6’9, Oakley hacked his way through 19 seasons of jungle ball without (brace yourself) ever winning a championship ring. The ex-Knick/Bull/Wizard/Raptor/Rocket stated that he would return for 9-10 million for two years. Hmmm… Any GMs looking for a high priced, over-the-hill, talentless thug that can offer his “leadership” skills to younger players? I wonder if he has Isaiah’s #? Call me a pessimist, but I can’t help but wonder if this comeback attempt has something to do with his upcoming book. Then again, a little PR never hurt anyone. Do us all a favor Oaktree, wither away. Nobody outside of NY cared about you when you were in the league and nobody cares now. We’ve seen how you’ve mentored athletes into superstars (props to Eddy Curry and Kwame Brown). That job is now taken by that Australian guy who taught Shaq how to shoot freethrows. Beware Portland!!!
The Devil Rays have decided to shut down Rocco “Fantasy Heartbreaker” Baldelli, for the rest of the year. Also Baldelli is contemplating retirement at the ripe old age of 26. That’s right Rocco is having chronic hamstring problems, and thinking about calling it quits. I might be wrong, but didn’t Rocco quit three years ago. This guy was supposed to be the next Joe Dimaggio remember? At this point we’ll settle for Dom Dimaggio. Has there been another athlete that has broken as many fantasy owners’ hearts as this guy? When he came up, he was touted as the next big thing, a five tool athlete, etc. Then it was one hamstring problem after another. I guess his heart was just as weak as his legs, because now it seems like the end might be near in this sad chapter of baseball lore. Rocco we barely knew ya! I hope you saved some of your paychecks, because I sure lost a dime or two drafting you every year.
ATTENTION ALL FAIRWEATHER FANS: Baseball might be getting interesting again. Several key matchups slated for this week will keep viewers glued to the TV.
Showdown in the Bronx. Just when you thought the Yanks were gonna make a move in the standings they get lit up by the Angels and Detroit and now they’re 8 games out of first. Even if they sweep the Sox this week (which is highly unlikely), they’ll still be 6 games out which at this point of the season, with a lineup of tired, overpaid veterans is a recipe for disaster. Did someone see Joe Torre at the unempoyment line? AL East Champs: RED SOX
The Halos stole game 1 at Safeco on Monday as the Big Texan John Lackey proved why he is one of the top pitchers in the league. Tonight we have ex-Angel Jeff Weaver against Ervin “wish he was an ex-Angel” Santana. Did someone say “gimme $20 on the over?” Wednesday’s matchup of the better Weaver and King Felix should be a good one. AL West Champs: ANGELS.
WHO CARES??? Cleveland is up 2.5 in the Central over Detroit who is hot their heals. Detroit just took 3 of 4 from the Yanks while Cleveland is busy manhandling the Twins (thank god the Twins won’t be wasting a playoff spot this year). Does anyone outside of Cleveland and Detroit even care about these 2 teams? The Angels or the Red Sox are going to be representing the AL in the World Series anyway. The good news for Detroit fans is that the NBA and NFL are right around the corner, on second thought, GO SHOCK!!! As for Cleveland, HAIL King James…